Last time I discussed the possibility of your wife or girlfriend wanting you to go out and have fun with gorgeous sex workers while she eagerly waits to have her turn with you. It’s through the emotion of compersion.
You can find that entry HERE.
As you’ll recall, your spouse wanting to do this isn’t something you can make happen over night. Compersion isn’t something you can force. It’s something that is learned over time. This series of blog posts will steer you towards having a partner who experiences compersion and possibly even acts on it.
Let’s face it, every guy dreams of sex with multiple gorgeous women. Porn Hub and every other porn site are based off selling this fantasy. Guys love to fuck hot women and lots of them … or at least they love the idea of doing it!
The reason for this is because of how we are genetically wired. Men have evolved to want to mate with as many women as we can … to spread our genetic code to as many mates as possible. It increases the likelihood of our genetic makeup being passed on from generation to generation. Most male mammals are like that.
Women, on the other hand, are geared to want to mate with one male and have him provide for their offspring. Hence feelings of insecurity when their partners venture elsewhere – the fear is that maybe they’ll stop providing.
But if you look at most social groups of mammals, the males mate with multiple partners. And in the case of gorillas or wolves or other social mammals, the various females all peacefully co-exist with eachother while caring for the same male’s offspring. It’s because they feel secure with their position within the group and that their young will be cared for by their mate.
So it just makes sense that while human males want to get it on with as many females as they can, females just want to feel secure in their place with their spouse. That is just part of our basic human drive to procreate.
Compersion is that feeling that can happen when the one person feels so comfortable and secure in their relationship with their partner that they are thrilled when their partner receives satisfaction from another. Because they feel so confident and care for their partner so much, they like it when their partner is happy – even sexually so. (It can also be experienced by both members which is where a lot of the success of the polyamory community comes from.)
It is this comfort and security that is paramount in causing your wife or girlfriend to want you to be with other women. I cannot stress this enough: HER BEING SECURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS THE KEY! That is what creates compersion instead of jealousy.
If your partner at all feels like you are doing things just so you can be with other women, it won’t happen – jealousy! She must feel like it is something that both of you are enjoying together – compersion! Once she feels left out, you’re done! The comfort and security evaporates. Instead, there will be frustration, resentment and it will no longer be fun for her.
You have to have the mentality that you seeing a sex worker is something that you and your partner are doing spiritually together. You’re going out to get stimulated by someone else so you can come back home for the main course – which is her!
Here are a few rules that you have to keep in mind before you even begin to look at the first step if it is going to work for you and your partner:
- Doing it has to be about both of you. Your spouse has to feel that way. And so do you.
- Don’t force it. If you want to be with a sex worker one day and she’s not up for it, don’t try to make it happen. It won’t. Instead have fun with her. Make her feel that if it doesn’t happen that night, you’re still perfectly happy to have a great night with her. Don’t sulk and make her feel that you only wanted to see someone else, not her.
- Don’t rush it. Take your time enjoying each step along the way. If you rush right to you having sex with an escort, she may not be emotionally there with you. It won’t work and could lead to problems.
- Be sensitive. If you can tell she’s going along with it but isn’t really into it, don’t do it. She will resent you later or feel hurt. And then the damage is done … and there can be major repercussions for your relationship.
- Always use the services of a professional sex worker – never someone you know or someone you met online. It is very unlikely that a sex worker is going to form an emotional attachment to you afterwards. So there is no need for your wife or girlfriend to feel threatened that they are going to lose you to them. Your spouse can simply view the sex worker as interactive porn for you who is of no threat at all to them.
- Discuss what both of you are comfortable with. You may be totally on board with seeing a sex worker … But how do you feel about your wife seeing a male sex worker … Or a female one? Or joining you for a threesome. She may say, if you get to go, so do I. If you’re not comfortable with her seeing someone and that’s her line in the sand, you may need to say that’s fine and just continue to only enjoy each other … Or explore your own sense of compersion.
- Set ground rules and follow them. Don’t do anything with the provider that you promised your partner you wouldn’t. If she feels like you’re breaking these rules, she won’t be comfortable and you could end up in relationship trouble.
If you follow these rules and really internalize them – believe in them – it can be a great journey for both of you.
Check out our next entry when we talk all about getting started with porn and strippers! (And who doesn’t love porn and strippers???)
Until next time,
–D @Workinggirlssix https://twitter.com/Workinggirlssix