I guess I had never really thought about it too much. I’d seen girlfriend experiences (GFE) advertised a lot on Twitter and figured everyone knew what they were and that it just meant it was a lot more of an intimate and personal session … probably with a good amount of kissing involved.
But then I saw a discussion online somewhere saying that in their mind, GFE meant that all the services were uncovered – as in, without a condom.
As most of you know, I’m all about using protection in this industry – to keep both the clients and the providers feeling safe, healthy and happy.
So, when I heard the idea of a GFE, by definition, meaning that it was bareback, I had to understand where this notion was coming from.
As it turns out, the rationale behind it was that your girlfriend wouldn’t make you use a condom during lovemaking, so why would there be a condom involved during a “girlfriend” experience. Ok, I can follow the logic behind their thinking there … to a degree.
The counterpoint was made that a provider has every right to expect protection to be used during all services that she provides. It’s her body, why should she risk it??? And that made total sense as well … and is always what I’ve agreed with.
Now, I had to ask myself, how could these two points of view have come to a head like that? Why was there such a disconnect between the two parties’ definitions of what a girlfriend experience entails? And why was I now not sure what the definition was?
So, I did what I always do when I’m uncertain about something in the industry … I ran a Twitter survey!
I asked the question, “in your opinion, what is included with a girlfriend experience?” I gave three potential choices to choose from. Here’s how it turned out with 147 votes:
a) kissing, a BJ and sex – all protected – 61%
b) the same as above with a date first – 18%
c) unprotected services – 21%
The most interesting part, however, showed up in the comments. Several people said that they felt that only oral was unprotected in a girlfriend experience.I had not provided that differentiation in my choices.
So, I ran the survey again, got an even 100 votes with the following results:
a) kissing, a BJ and sex – all protected – 16%
b) kissing, uncovered BJ and covered sex – 72%
c) either of above with a date first – 3%
d) kissing and unprotected BJ and sex – 9%
So it seems the majority of people felt that oral was uncovered but the sex was protected. And the vast majority (91%) expect there to be some form of protection involved. However, there’s still 10% of people thinking that everything is unprotected.
Ok, so some people have different ideas about how much protection is used in a girlfriend experience! What’s the big deal, you might ask.
Here’s where it becomes tricky. In this industry, the provider is 100% entitled to call the shots on what protection she wants used during her session. This is indisputable. However, if she offers a girlfriend experience to a potential client and her definition of girlfriend experience differs from his definition, there is going to be conflict. She does not feel she should compromise her health. He feels he got the old bait-and-switch with the services he was expecting.
And it seems from the passion exhibited in the comments of the survey, most people felt very strongly about what they honestly felt was included in a GFE. It wasn’t like they were trying to change the definition to suit their wishes – they were adamant that their definition was just plain common sense.
And it’s this honest breakdown of opinion on the topic which has lead to misunderstandings and conflict. And in sex work, conflict is what you want to avoid.
And I am not here to try to redefine what people believe a girlfriend experience should be.
But, because I am, at heart, a peacemaker, I will make a proposal to everyone who reads this:
Don’t look at a girlfriend experience in terms of covered or bareback. A girlfriend experience should really revolve around how it makes you feel. It should be more intimate and personal. It should create the illusion of being with someone who cares about you – like a girlfriend. But, keep in mind, like with any services, the provider has to feel comfortable with the amount of protection used.
So, guys, don’t assume that a GFE is going to have less protection than a regular session. It probably won’t. If you’re unsure, ask. (Keep in mind, many providers may be turned off at the prospect of being asked for unprotected services.) Just assume that a GFE will be more intimate. Anything else, condom-wise, is up to her – just like with every other service she offers.
Hope that clears things up … Even just a bit for some.
Until next time,
–D at @workinggirlssix